Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Uncorrelated notes

These are dark times my friends....darkest of the dark. The wizard is a master of black magic. It, which should not be named, enslaves one and all, whom it lays its eyes upon. Few wish for it, few are inclined to it, few are indifferent, few try to delay it, few go down fighting, few are consummated, nevertheless converted. Its power corrupts all who follow it. The fellowship has long been broken and there aint no hobbit. Its power grows.

Symbols were pivotal in the evolution of evolution. And so was ring - melt, cast, cut, hammered, aligned, polished - a physical representation. There is a distinct itchy feeling around it. At times it makes me wonder, is a ring's life-cycle a clue to what is to come? A tiny little seemingly harmless but precious pricey representation, a clear demarcation between the goods and the bads. Strange but power can be held in smallest of things. Rings to control them, rings to rule them, rings to find them, rings to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

I pity stray dogs. For they are considered a menace, diseased, berated for speaking, kept at bay, fended off - a hazard to society. Nevertheless, they live their lives freely, free to roam around, courageous to chase anyone off and chose to extend hospitality to. They find solace in chaos. Surprisingly, we take pride in domesticating born-stray beast with a strap around its neck. A strap to indicate friendliness, a machine to induce ignorance to barks, a signal to offer processed food to, a symbol to represent harmlessness and a reason to extend hospitality to. When it comes to humankind, I pity domesticated animals.

The brain myth is a widely perpetuated urban legend that all humans only make use of a fraction of their brains. Thinking is a good exercise, one matches desires with plausible actions, a real solution to a real problem, an approach to an advancement. It gives immense pleasure to all until the exchange. The thought process wavers, challenged by absence of information, absence of accountable facts. Sometimes, I think its like calculating NPV without any knowledge of future cash flows or rate. One assumes most of it all, finds the solution, but with lesser confidence. The brain is forced to be over utilized, becomes sharper. After three four decades people call it wisdom. As much as I idolize Einstein, I hate his soul for extracting happiness, pinch by pinch, out of every exchange of rings.

I wonder why Athletes are preferred to the geniuses. No the reason is not glamour, no to being hunk, not being a dude, not being healthy, and it aint any mojo either. It is fairly simple, successful athletes take satisfaction in pushing themselves to limits. The only virtue that fetches them great attention. If pushed, an athlete will take that as a challenge, will try best and if fails is appreciated. Bound to a ring, the limits are set way beyond limits, irrespective of the intent or level of effort, the converted fails and is rebuked.

These are dark times my friends....darkest of the dark. But then there is  a potential silver lining to look forward to.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Marital Clauses

Marriage is perpetual punishment. Degree depends on the not-so-wisely-termed "better-fairer-half".


Back to those prehistoric days, when human beings were not required to engage in marriage. :D  Even the thoughts of such scenario brings all teeth on display.


The state would have been glorious till day if those few who started it out of lack of control or jealousy or exclusivity rights or assurance of paternity would have been somehow contained. Damn those wicked souls, who on the name of civilizing acts invited wise-men with an equal representation by wise-women, stakeholders, to discuss the issue at hand - institutionalizing marriage. The reason was - nubile women are a source of jealousy and strife in tribe. The agenda was - Access to women should be institutionalized in some way so as to moderate the intensity of the competition.


It is, till this day, the worst ever day in the history of mankind.


It had always been the weak segments, from Greece to India, who collude together to form groups of wise-men. Damn them and damn their souls. Had it been just the wise-men, things would have been better today, but for representation by wise-women. Alas!


In England they declared it to be a voluntary act, In Europe, it was more of a business contract, but India had the worst to offer to its future generations - to perish. In India or whatever it was, they decided that its going to be an occasion with lots of activities involving worshiping Gods, so many of them, pomp & show, lots of food, lots of lights, lots of fire, i.e., loads of bull-holy-shit. So far so good.


The first clause was that there wont be any upper age limit for marriage. Ever wondered, why there is a floor set for marriage but not cap, Wise -men. Ideally gaining mental ability should have been complimented by losing physical ability. By the time, such decree was issued, wise men were so happy with the hope that their kinds will now be subject to marriage too, they almost agreed to every clause of the contract, smartly put forth by wise-women. Damn those wise-men and their souls.


Mankind, being a wanderer by nature, should travel with their near n dear ones to bride's place for the ceremony. Its dreadful, painful to travel miles for a torturous ceremony. To aggravate the pain, the groom is made to wait first for the display to general public and then to be fried in front of holy fire. The bride, on the other hand, is always the last one to arrive at every painful act of the ceremony. Damn those wise-men and their souls.


As beautiful women were reason for strife, the groom should prove first of being worthy of her. And hence, we hear about swayamvars. Never have heard something like swayamvadhu. Food for thought - loads of nubile women assembling at a place, seeking your attention. Little better case, you would do away with mental exercise of comparing 75 different girls and arriving at the best one. Whatever attributes, mental or physical, one wanted, they would have a live demonstration for that. Damn those wise-men and their souls.


The bride, after marriage, would reside in the groom's house and she would be his responsibility, i.e., to listen to craps, to feed, to procure materialistic objects for the lady, etc etc. Worst of all clauses. Why cant be it so, that after marriage, the groom would be bride's responsibility? If not then take the neutral ground - live in their respective houses and be at peace. A man's natural careless attitude is destroyed. Damn those wise-men and their souls.


Realizing the disadvantages of the above, wise-men wanted to have a compensation for the same which was well reciprocated by wise-women in putting forward the clause of presenting precious material things for possession by groom's side based on discretion and capability of bride's side. Now who would have made them understand that no price is worth the freedom of a man's life? Damn those wise-men and their souls.


Ever wondered why women's eligibility age for marriage is lesser than men's? Marriage to girls is a fun factor. They dream of getting married - I wonder through what degree of tortures a man would go if a girl's marriage were carried out as per her dream. Its not just that, it seems the fun part of a marriage for females has settled in the [F+] blood group, when they are born, they would ask for a doll and then play marriage games. The lower age is driven by the level of desire and desperation to get married.


This whole society, specially elder ones have conspired and betrayed mankind. Till this day, mankind shivers on mere mention of the word marriage. Hats off to men who have dared and will keep daring to marry. 






Thanks to the saint who invented DIVORCE.

~NOM

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Girlfriend Effect

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Statutory Warning: The following blog has been produced to address major problems dawned upon the male fraternity with the advent of technology.
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Being in love and surviving is not as easy as it used to be before 80's. Those were the golden days, even if you were engaged or every single tissue of your body was committed towards the girl supposedly of your dreams, all you had to do was meet her if she was nearby or articulately write occasional letters explaining your love. Even if you had received a letter, you had tons of times to write back, no hurry. One had ample time to be in a relationship and enjoy life.

Problem: "Mobile"ization
Dream On, as it certainly cant be your case in today's tech-savvy world. However, levels of mobilic atrocities vary with your progress in relationship. In early days, when you have to pitch your case to the lovely lady (confusion), you need to continuously monitor your mobile phone for a missed call or an SMS. In early days, you damn yourself for having missed a call or having read SMS after 2 minutes. You have to make sure that you reply before T+1 min of receiving any SMS or your case will rest in peace. In such a scenario, one ridicules disclaimers about side-effects of carrying a mobile.
Telephonic conversation is the best mode of interaction with a lady. In more than 90% of the calls, the lady would do the talking and you have to reply with occasional "hmmm", "i understand" etc and you can survive a one hour call under forty spoken words. However, such a feat can only be continuously achieved by answering promptly and the most lovingly way of call-introductory questions and wise selection of timing to blurt "hmmm" etc. Telephonic calls are tricky to handle, they are means to keep track of your mental, physical & psychological  condition/coordinates. Never pick up and say you are with a friend or you would end up reciting friend's bio-data. It might start a fight or invite multiple questions, if your lady hears a female voice , or music or for that matter of fact any background voice. I wish there were a gadget to filter voice, mix it with one's choice of background  disturbance before transmitting it. Calls have no boundaries, you might even be asked and forced to oblige request for taking calls while in loo. Trying to dodge calls often proves out to be lethal. It will invite more frequent calls/SMSes asking for updates and a hidden desire to pull off own hair off the skull. :)
Solution: In early days of relationship or in case of possible success, select a geographic location with best possible tower reading on your mobile. Dont be foolish to care about your physical condition after the call. However, if your relationship period exceeds more than 4 months, chose a posture you would be comfortable in before calling or receiving a call. I would suggest a bed. Do have magazines, eatables, drinks etc within your arm's reach. Learn the art of quantum sleeps.
Personally I hate Short Message Service, for one its very cumbersome on gradually decreasing cellphone size to write a text message. If your text message is long or you are a fanatic of expressing your thoughts in full words (devoid of short terms), your fingers will literally kill you after a while. Ladies on the other hand, cunningly, prefer short form for words. They have the agility and ability to write, I guess, 50 SMSes within two minutes - approximately the time it will take you to read, decipher words and understand (inconspicuous) one SMS. Most of the times, you will end up receiving multiple messages while you were trying your best to write one and if you decide to wait n reply after reading the next received message, you will end up replying after receiving the message "r u bsy" or "bz?".Thirdly, its a financial distress. For this, all kudos to telecom service providers. Messages like "good morning", "good night", "love you" etc. will force you to think whether it is worth one rupee? Would not you prefer to call instead and have a better value for money? The suffering is not over yet, there are multitude of forwarded SMSes which will make your life living hell. It does not matter what you think of that silly question or opinion or sher or statement, if you dare to reply and your reply does not match your lady's thoughts on the same, May GOD have mercy on you.
Solution: Before chosing SMS path of interaction, think a lot, come up with witty answers to deny the same, chose calling instead. However, if you are a trapped soul, search for the best SMS package available in the market, even if that would require hassles in changing service provider or number.

Problem: Style Statement
A girl is never a Reacher, they settle for you while continuously trying to change your aesthetics. Shopping etc are mundane problems and are not worthy of slot in this blog. Few legends in this field have shamelessly accepted that they were subjects of experiments to artificially produce a cine-star look alike. Be alarmed on the very first instance of request for a photograph, if its for a digital picture visit a temple. Your photograph will be critically reviewed by your lady's female friends and should be good enough to attract approval. Comb your hair, trim your finger nails, get prepared with a thorough make-up before posing for a snap and do have a smile on your face to avoid trouble. Pictures are the most preferred way of monitoring and trust me you would not like reactionary comments, mostly suggestions. Technology plays its own role in destroying a boy's careless nature. At the extreme end, Deeply committed males have to go through the trouble of looking at their best on a daily basis to produce good photographs
Solution: Dispose off all gadgets with digital camera. Learn borrowing digital camera for occasional photographs.

Problem: Time Scarcity
Few months into the relationship, you would suddenly realize that you are unable to manage your daily schedule. Majorly because of two reasons. First, being the mute listener on the other end of the line while your lady goes on explaining her day-to-day problems, observations, views etc to you. Second, Thinking of acceptable reasons for not being in continuous communication. Other reasons include, carrying ordered set of activities by your lady, day-dreaming, answering questions about your girlfriend to your friends, being subject of mockery for being in a relationship etc.
Solution: Buy a headphone and carry feasible activities while on call. Blame it to study/work for unavailability.

Problem: Alien Friends

Legend has it, having a girlfriend is the easiest way of alienating/losing your friends. Technology - the spoilsport. As you would have guessed it right, its because of time scarcity. 80% because of your lady love. 20% because of her friends which you have to mandatory tend to. They would occupy most of your online chatting list, would ping you more often that not and bug you with notorious questions. You would be asked to continuously update your profiles/pictures. Select the best photograph among the photographs you were forced to pose for while you were on a trip or playing or during any activity and put it on networking websites. Just for the sake of your lady to have discussions with her friend and vote for the best photograph you have. While taking photographs you are supposed to act natural and should look like you are completely devoted to that activity. You would learn this art when your relationship period reads more than one year. However, It does not end here, you have to respond to all the comments on your photograph even "nice pic" to avoid direct or indirect trouble. How come one is expected to have time at his expense to spend with anyone else? I would like to request the "Friend" community to co-operate with the already tormented soul.
Solution: Talk to your lovely lady and ask for permission to spend time with friends. It does not work any other way round. Utilize Invisible mode and be inactive on networking websites because of some absurd reason.



Every boy has unique set of problems while handling his girlfriend, as every girlfriend thinks herself to be unique and are interested in creating unique problems. Entire male community will be thankful to you if you share your problems with us and contribute to the holy cause of empowering them with ways to handle such problems.
~HTIA
~ChocsnMishtisAssured
OR
~NOM (for sentimontionally challenged ppl)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Haunted!!

OPEN-IIT BASKETBALL, 2006
Starting line-up
  1. Kothari
  2. Chhochu
  3. pandey ji
  4. mohapatra
  5. karan
  6. varun
  7. chirag
  8. myself n few more

With a largely average team, starting with unrecognized players, pseudo personalities, giants missing. Scrambled to the extent that even jumble players cant unscramble. Co-ordination ZERO. Noone sure of his position & responsibilties. Negligible support.

Before every match there was a serious question...... are we going to survive this one??? Being optimistic....karan used to remind everybody "We are playing to win".

First match against Nehru (they-whose-ass-we-most-want-to-kick), a satisfactory victory. Scoreline 31-15. Team morale somewhat increased.

Second match vs azad, the scoreline had a sinusoidal curve...both teams fighting hard to eliminate other out of the tournament. Class performance from both sides. Lagging at one point, other minute saw them advancing to lead. Tied until third quarter at 27-27. Fourth quarter brought the tide to RK's lap. Final score 39-33.

Last league against Kgp Kings, no matter we lost badly. Opponents scored doubles with ease. We stood agape, watching them dominate us. Score 72-56.

Semis against MMM (first years) :: Best baskey match i have ever played. Our pride at stake...went to the court with a vow : if we lose, i quit this ballgame. We started pathetically.... facchas leading 10-4 at one point. A time-out...chit-chats....few suggestions...some modification in gameplan...the team realized their weaknesses. Back to the front. Consistent performance for rest of the quarter. Score tied at 12-12 at end of first quarter. The mantra of starting every quarter with score 0-0 failed to apply this time. Start of second quarter. For 4 minutes facchas had their guns throttling at full strength. Then a tragedy. I had an ankle twist while fighting for a ball, landing on opponent's legs. Out of court...trying to figure if by any means can i get back in the game? Meanwhile facchas still dominating. Halftime and they had considerable lead. Everyone almost sure of the outcome. Third quarter and two minutes later the score was 35-26. I dont know why against everyone's advice, i came back on the court. These types of acts atleast have positive effect on morale of teammates. I had my luck that day. With re-entry, i scored three consecutive shots followed by fouls by other side saw us tied again at 35. The team never looked back. Everyone giving his best...pandey ji running to and fro, tapping almost certain shots. Karan taking hooha lap shots. Chhochu stealing balls and scoring at will. Kothari making his lines and scoring. even i had a good day. If u get trapped by defenders u wud find mohapatra assisting u and scoring in next second. It can be said that facchas lost coz of their inexperience (even though they had three quality players n a real U-16 national player). Final Score 53-47. I couldnt even express my happiness after the match.

Grand Finale
Big guns playing against rookies. Before the finals, we decided not to let Kgp kings score easy points. Make them sweat as much as we can.


GOOD POSTER

The start was good. Both teams tied up at the end of every quarter. Their shots had accuracy of 95%. The fourth quarter was dramatic. Some missed baskets. some missed free throws. Some mispasses. Some bad decisions. Sinusoidal scorecard again. 25 seconds before the whistle blew, kothari passed me a ball n i couldnt receive it with score 65-64 against us. The ball went outside. The game ended with the same score 65-64.
The game show all attributes...shouting.. elation... demoralized... stressed... Everyone blaming himself for few instances he cud have *********** We missed rathee boy.



Score at the end of third quarter



Final Score

Both teams with their cups


Well... the tournament ended but one thing that is haunting me for the last three days is what if i wud have received that ball and converted it.